make (reverb 10)

Reverb 10 – Day 6

Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

Note: On the last post, I decided I was going to approach the Reverb 10 prompts the way I do  with The Writer Babe prompts – sit with it a moment, breathe, and write for 15 – 20 minutes without stopping.  Yesterday I had our monthly session – and I “cheated” by bringing a few Reverb 10 prompts there.  What follows is a typed up version of what came out on paper in the presence of the Babes.

pumpkin-pie thanks alex27The last thing I made? Pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving?  Flour, milk, eggs, butter, pumpkin, blahblahblah.  Yes, pumpkin pie.  Dinner last night.  Coffee. A spread for The Writer Babes.

The bigger question is probably that is there something I want to make.

Yup.  I want to make this work – this Writer Babe thing – these sweet moments that cradle and support a precious group of women a bigger thing.

No, maybe not bigger.  I want to have bigger impact.  I want to impact more people.  I know this process is powerful – and I know writing is powerful and that I am more powerful (and we are more powerful) than we often create space and structure and support for.

I am definitely guilty of this.  I get tripped up in the “how” and I stop and lie (lie? lay? lie?)  (i get stuck in lie or lay) in bed obsessing over how and what and wondering: can I?

I have friends and supporters who tell me that I can.  That I must.  That I should.  That I will.  And I want to.  And I want to be all positive and law-of-attraction-ish and sure of myself and my gifts, but I have to pay bills and I like my comforts and I want to travel.  I guess it’s possible to combine the workshops and travel and comfort.

But … I can really obsess.  (really?  no!)

Yeah, sometimes I do.

I want to make a life sharing what know to be the gifts of a writing practice and the delightful discoveries that await those of us who long to put pen to paper – whether we want to write a book or just record the moments in our days or the way the old family clock ticks while the pen scratches the page.

I want to make a (let’s go law-of-attraction …) I want to make a gloriously robust living doing this work that I love – in all its quirky permutations without having to declare my “brand” and focusing on the various income streams and blahblahblah.

I want to make myself proud of myself and I want to not care when I write funky sentences that don’t make sense.

I want to make myself that big fish in a small pond or a medium sized pond or a big fargin pond.  I just want to be able to do my thing and do it big and bold and engaging with money flowing in and delight sparking out of every pore cause I get to do it.

I might edit this for the blog* cause I still feel this weird protectiveness about all of these words and dreams.  Yes, there’s a strength in sharing these things out in the cyber-world, but there is also a vulnerability putting it out there that sometimes gets me contracted in my writing.

I feel so safe here with The Babes – and I would like that to grow.  I notice there are new opportunities coming my way and I have made a concerted effort to say yes instead of I’d love to but … as I trip over the “how” again.  I want to keep making that effort.  Keep making that choice.  I want to be able to look back next year and see that I made …  (arg … i’m suddenly stuck …) what keeps coming up here is “possibility pie” …  and yet, I want more than possibility.  I want the real thing.  Not just possibility ... I want …

(and that’s where my pen rang out of ink, so i got up and grabbed another one …)

… a pen that won’t run out of ink.  And cool quiet and time to think … so sayeth Mary Chapin Carpenter … Shouldn’t I have this? Should I have all of this?

Yeah, that’s what I want to make.

*The Babes encouraged me not to edit … so here you get it unedited.  (thanks babes …)


Comments

  1. Marilyn says

    i trust you know that i fully support you in MAKING any of your dreams come true! i read about a week ago somewhere (can’t remember now where it was) to watch our words…that using words like “i want” or “i wish” keeps us (in the law of attraction sense) from having what we want because it treats it as if we don’t have it…that it’s still OUT THERE. just sharing that for what it’s worth because it really hit home for me. maybe craft some affirmations using the “i am” present tense. (i’m trying to teach myself to do the same thing.) ;)

    • says

      Awesome reminder, Marilyn.

      Here’s a re-visioned version: My work gets me jazzed; I love waking up each day to do it. It has wide-spread impact, pays me deliciously well and has me engaged with generous, thoughtful, spirited people who appreciate my gifts and I theirs. Doing it expands me and it expands the people who come into my circle. I make a gloriously robust living doing this work that I love – in all its quirky permutations; I have products that make me money as I sleep, and I get paid in fees with multiple zeros (and fabulous 1′s – 9′s in front of those zeros) to speak to groups who I get to inspire and entertain. I have a fabulous support team who help me do all this stuff that I do best, and they do the stuff I was never particularly good at and they love doing it. How awesome is that?

      :)

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