Reverb 10 – Day 6
Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
Note: On the last post, I decided I was going to approach the Reverb 10 prompts the way I do with The Writer Babe prompts – sit with it a moment, breathe, and write for 15 – 20 minutes without stopping. Yesterday I had our monthly session – and I “cheated” by bringing a few Reverb 10 prompts there. What follows is a typed up version of what came out on paper in the presence of the Babes.
The bigger question is probably that is there something I want to make.
Yup. I want to make this work – this Writer Babe thing – these sweet moments that cradle and support a precious group of women a bigger thing.
No, maybe not bigger. I want to have bigger impact. I want to impact more people. I know this process is powerful – and I know writing is powerful and that I am more powerful (and we are more powerful) than we often create space and structure and support for.
I am definitely guilty of this. I get tripped up in the “how” and I stop and lie (lie? lay? lie?) (i get stuck in lie or lay) in bed obsessing over how and what and wondering: can I?
I have friends and supporters who tell me that I can. That I must. That I should. That I will. And I want to. And I want to be all positive and law-of-attraction-ish and sure of myself and my gifts, but I have to pay bills and I like my comforts and I want to travel. I guess it’s possible to combine the workshops and travel and comfort.
But … I can really obsess. (really? no!)
Yeah, sometimes I do.
I want to make a life sharing what know to be the gifts of a writing practice and the delightful discoveries that await those of us who long to put pen to paper – whether we want to write a book or just record the moments in our days or the way the old family clock ticks while the pen scratches the page.
I want to make a (let’s go law-of-attraction …) I want to make a gloriously robust living doing this work that I love – in all its quirky permutations without having to declare my “brand” and focusing on the various income streams and blahblahblah.
I want to make myself proud of myself and I want to not care when I write funky sentences that don’t make sense.
I want to make myself that big fish in a small pond or a medium sized pond or a big fargin pond. I just want to be able to do my thing and do it big and bold and engaging with money flowing in and delight sparking out of every pore cause I get to do it.
I might edit this for the blog* cause I still feel this weird protectiveness about all of these words and dreams. Yes, there’s a strength in sharing these things out in the cyber-world, but there is also a vulnerability putting it out there that sometimes gets me contracted in my writing.
I feel so safe here with The Babes – and I would like that to grow. I notice there are new opportunities coming my way and I have made a concerted effort to say yes instead of I’d love to but … as I trip over the “how” again. I want to keep making that effort. Keep making that choice. I want to be able to look back next year and see that I made … (arg … i’m suddenly stuck …) what keeps coming up here is “possibility pie” … and yet, I want more than possibility. I want the real thing. Not just possibility ... I want …
(and that’s where my pen rang out of ink, so i got up and grabbed another one …)
… a pen that won’t run out of ink. And cool quiet and time to think … so sayeth Mary Chapin Carpenter … Shouldn’t I have this? Should I have all of this?
Yeah, that’s what I want to make.
*The Babes encouraged me not to edit … so here you get it unedited. (thanks babes …)
FEELING FUNKED UP AT MID-LIFE?
(AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY?)