In journaling/writing/ writer babes

showing up

Last Sunday afternoon, with a cold coming on, I bundled up, got in the car with a woman I’d met through one of my Writer Babes, and we drove close to an hour to audition (oywhaaaaat?) for a spoken-word event that takes place over the Mother’s Day weekend.

In this show, writers write something on the theme of mothers (being one, having one, not being one … whatever) … a basic Writer Babe-like prompt where you just write and go wherever it takes you. Then, the chosen people read their pieces at this event in May. I heard about it through the day-job, and my gut response was: That’s cool … and terrifying.

So even though it scared the bedoobedoops out of me, I thought I should put my big-girl pants on and give it a go … just to get out there.

I really don’t know how actors do it; I felt pretty good about what I’d written, but when I walked into this big room where two people were sitting behind a desk, I read my thing, and they nodded and said thank you, and that was it.

I walked out thinking: I SUCK. It SUCKED. Why did I share that story? It was such a downer; I should have gone with something entertaining, because I AM so FUCKING entertaining. (aaaaaaaaah!)

You might think that after all these years of writing and sharing my stuff with my Writer Babes, I’d know better. But it took me a while to remember: My stuff is my stuff. It doesn’t have to be great according to anyone else, it doesn’t have to be entertaining (unless it is), and sometimes, just showing up and being brave is the point. If they liked it, great. If they didn’t … that’s OK.

I wrote a thing, I shared it and I showed up. Challenge accepted. I’m glad I did it.

But seriously. How do actors do it?


(follow up note: i “got the part.” 🙂  here’s me doing my reading at listen to your mother, NJ.) 

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  • sunny side up
    March 4, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    I am so dang proud of you for showing up! That is marvelous, awesome, fabulous, and boy, I’ll bet it WAS scary. Good for you!!

    • Deb Cooperman
      March 4, 2014 at 3:47 pm

      Thank you. (and yes, it WAS scary …) 🙂

  • sunny days are a comin'!
    March 4, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    I haven’t put myself out there lately, because all I’ve been doing is complaining about the weather. Yes. The weather. I’ve been following the weather like some people follow presidential elections or the annual “March Madness” college basketball hoopla.

    I’ve been following the weather because I’ve been traveling a lot, and the thought of sitting on a tarmac waiting for the plane wings to be de-iced, or worse, having my flight canceled, just as I’ve slogged it up 78 to get to the airport, is just, well, deflating. Exhausting. Draining. Yep. And I’m too old for all this schlepping.

    Yes, I love the Westin Heavenly beds, and the time alone in my hotel room. Yes, I am one of those strange creatures who actually likes to sleep in hotels. I can turn the thermostat really low, and I can watch whatever I want to watch on TV, and–if I have time–I can work out at the gym and then lose myself in an endless hot shower.

    Uh huh. I am all about my creature comforts. And this winter has been so lacking in creature comforts. I lie in bed at night and listen to the wind howling outside, like some mad demon clawing at my window pane. I get up in the morning, my room absolutely freezing. (Perhaps you noticed the juxtaposition of setting the thermostat as low as it can go in my hotel room, and then the hating the freezing room in the winter thing? It’s all about the choice. I want to freeze on my own terms, thank you very much.)

    I walk downstairs, pop the button on my coffee maker, and trudge to the thermometer, wondering what God forsaken number is going to show up that morning. (Yes! I admit to getting a little giddy when the thermometer reading is above 32 degrees F.)

    I am so ready for the weather to change. I’m so ready for spring. It’s coming. I can feel it in these bones of mine. I’m going to be so god damn cheerful my face will hurt from smiling. I. cannot. wait. GO SPRING!

  • Sandi
    March 4, 2014 at 4:28 pm

    YAY DEB!! Yay for your big girl panties and yay! for showing up! This is your time. (And, I have no idea how actors to do it either.)

    • Deb Cooperman
      March 5, 2014 at 5:28 pm

      Thanks honey. Just found out I actually got cast. Yowza.

  • KSM
    March 11, 2014 at 11:27 pm

    There’s so much I love about this post. And you.
    When it first came out, I tried to comment and the captcha caught me in some kind of a loop and I just could not post anything. So I sent my comments in email and I don’t know if they ever got to you because I think they went back to the feedburner that sent the post to my inbox.

    Anyway what I love most now that time has passed and I know you are going to be reading this in public is that you shared anyway even when you didn’t know what the outcome was. Thank you for that courage which to me is waaaayyy beyond putting big girl pants on. More like taking your pants off and letting everyone see the knobby knees, the freckles, the unshaven legs and unpainted toenails. It is the courage it takes to bare legs in winter knowing that the people who love you love you and not worrying about the rest. Freedom Deb. That is what you are modeling for me by posting about this midstream.

    • Deb Cooperman
      March 12, 2014 at 12:01 am

      Bless you bless you KSM. My knobby knees (and all the rest) thank you.

      • sunny days are a comin'!
        March 12, 2014 at 12:17 am

        Love what you wrote KSM.