In journaling/writing/ life is good/ thank you/more please

walking the path …

A friend posted this Chinese proverb on Twitter today: “I dreamed a thousand paths; I woke and walked my own.” 

And I have been dreaming a lot of paths. If I do this, then ___ ? when I do this, what? … what about? … what if I hadn’t? … why didn’t I? … should I/shouldn’t I?

I simmer and simmer, and go back and forth. I replay steps, I wonder and wander. I dream of leaping. I dream of leaping now instead of later, even though I know I need to wait a while longer. I do my best in given circumstances, but sometimes I wind up looking at the result thinking: nope, you should have done this or that.

I had one of those experiences this week. I should have known better (i did know better), but I made the choice. And there I go, learning the same lesson again for the third (or is it the fourth … or fifth?) time. (i hope i don’t have to learn this one again.)

And so I plod along, going bit by bit. I make mistakes and I try to forgive myself. Most of the time I can. I see the work I do impacting other people and I practically squeal with delight. I say “thank you/more please” several times a day; it’s so easy cause there’s so much.

Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky that the path unfolds so lusciously in spite of all my fuck-ups and missteps. I can still get cranky and stuck in the muck, but then I’ll look out the kitchen window as the hubster makes coffee – the birds dancing around the bird-feeder with the backyard still gray, but starting to show signs of the impending spring – and I think: I’m the luckiest girl ever.

Life is far from perfect. I fuck up, I fall down, I do things that aren’t always good for me. But I keep writing; I keep walking; the path is mine; I’m on the right road.

(how ’bout you? how are things on your path?)

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  • Hannah
    March 31, 2013 at 9:54 am

    My path is like a kaleidoscope.
    Everything seems to be a certain way, but with a subtle twist from a higher power everything seems different. Feels different. Looks different. New aspect as are brought to light, others pale in insignificance. What I was holding onto no longer exists. What I was grasping for has disappeared.
    I gain knowledge and insight and perspective at every turn, yet a simple twist can yank me back into the fog of uncertainty and doubt.
    Where does it end? How do I move forward? What is true and what is false? Time may tell, but I cannot wait for fate to deal its fickle hand to see how the story ends.

    • Deb Cooperman
      March 31, 2013 at 7:03 pm

      Ah, that damn kaleidoscope-life, huh? Y’think you know something, and then, nope. (or, well, no … you still know what you knew, but now it’s kinda … well, now it’s got a new color or light shading things, and who knows what to make of it?).

      Glad you’re including visits here in part of your path wherever it takes you. xo

  • JTM
    April 12, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    Nice Deb. I love the way you write…I had the feeling I was listening to an old friend say “Yo, here I am, I’m just human and that’s ok. I can live with myself and more; I can forgive myself and appreciate the beauty of today regardless of what’s happened before.” I love the way you look at life, as a continuous unfolding of stuff to experience. You don’t run away from it or dread it; you accept it for what it is–the good and not-so-good–and you are able to put it all in perspective.

    • Deb Cooperman
      April 14, 2013 at 5:19 pm

      Mmm. Thanks, honey. (really. a lot.) xo